i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
