I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You need Xanax blowdarts
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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