nut hugger
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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