you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
