FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
