I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
