apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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