I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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