Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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