She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Shame - the story of my life.
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