I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
