My underwear smells like fireworks.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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