do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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