I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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