our cab driver is having phone sex.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
