I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
