Have you finally orgasmed yet?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
