There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
