I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
