if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
