I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
