I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
