I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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