I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
