i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
