Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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