So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
