tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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