My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I am midnight drunk by noon
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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