WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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