So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
