Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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