Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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