you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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