So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
