im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
