I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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