We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Randomize
