How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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