If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
