3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
