If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
