I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
