he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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