I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
