She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
