I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
