Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
