Absence makes the cock grow harder.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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