Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You work out of a Hotel?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
