He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
