I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
