I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
